A Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Step

I'm moving to Uganda!  Those very words fill me with excitement, anticipation, trepidation, and an overwhelming sense that I am in way over my head, but not over God's.  As I stand at the crux of a new phase of life, I will need people to join in and support me in a variety of ways as I begin this new journey.  

I used to think that God didn’t use ordinary people. Or that if He did, it was only for ordinary things. I have learned over the years that God can and does use ordinary people in extraordinary ways right in the middle of their everyday mundane. I learned to find peace in this. To see Him working in myself and others as I sat at my desk or walked down my street and said hello to neighbours. In and through this I have also learned that sometimes God asks us to leave our comfort zones.

In 2009 I went to Haiti on my first project with Engineering Ministries International (eMi). God began to slowly change my heart and open my eyes to the ways He could use my skills as a water and sanitation engineer to help others and make the world a little bit better. Eleven projects later I stand amazed at how much I have learned and how much I have yet to learn. I have felt the Lord calling me to make this fulltime for the last few years and I have reached a point of willingness and surrender. I have seen and I really believe in the importance of the work eMi does. Now is the time, and I am in the process of joining staff as a civil engineer at the eMi Uganda office for a three year commitment.  

A 3D Rendering for a Primary School Campus I helped design in Uganda

And as I ponder and contemplate the enormity of this God sized endeavour I stand with arms high and heart abandoned and a newfound reliance on God. This process and the paradox of this major life change has reminded me of the importance of prayer. On waiting and relying on the Father. Would you commit to pray? Not just once, but regularly as I prepare to leave Canada and as I live in Uganda for the next few years. Up until this point, I have self-funded all my eMi projects. Although it sometimes took careful planning ahead, self-funding my projects gave me a sense of independence.  Now I stand at a cross roads as God asks me to humbly ask His people to become part of this journey and help make this work possible. I will be employed with eMi as a support based missionary which means I need people who believe in the work I'll be doing to financially support my living expenses.  That may sound like a crazy notion, it does to me too, but it allows the eMi budget to remain focused on the work they are doing rather than paying staff salaries, and it provides an opportunity for the people who love me to invest in the ministry I'll be doing in Uganda. God is showing me how to see and believe that sacrifice stuns in all its costly loveliness. Would you consider using this as an opportunity to invest in the Lord’s ministry by partnering financially? Donations are tax deductible. If you are considering becoming a financial partner, please consider joining as soon as possible rather than waiting until I leave, as I need to have start-up costs for training and set up in Uganda raised as well as my monthly budget committed before I can leave to start this mission. Donations given between now and the time I leave (hopefully by the end of the year) will go into my start up fund and help make sure I don't have to delay my departure. 

Prayer Requests

·     Courage –As I say goodbye to my life in Canada and follow God’s leading into a journey that is bigger than myself and   beyond what I can do on my own.

·      Wisdom- As I live cross culturally and practice engineering in a much different context.

·       Peace- As I begin a new life in another part of the world.

Partner in the journey

If you would like to partner financially you can do so with a monthly or one time tax deductible donation in one of three ways.

·  By direct deposit monthly by filling out this form, writing my name in section 2 and mailing it to the address on the form.

· By credit card donation online at http://emicanada.org/donate.shtml For monthly donations, scroll down to Donate Monthly. For one time donations, click on the Donate button, and enter my name in the purpose field.

·  By sending a cheque made out to EMI Canada, along with this pledge form with my name written in the space for "volunteer name".
    If you are in the US Click Here and select Staff and then my name.

EMI from Halle Project on Vimeo.

A Video of one of my projects

Be Still and Believe He's Got This

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10  I remember the first time I heard this verse.  I mean really heard it.  I was a teenager among thousands of other teenagers at Youth Quake in Saskatchewan.  I loved the linguistic beauty of that short verse, and yet I didn't fully understand the complexity behind it's meaning.  I didn't understand just how hard two simple words "Be Still" could be.  Perhaps I still don't fully understand.  But I like to think I am learning.

As of late I have been realizing that there have been very few times in my life when I have had to be still.  Completely still in my soul and believe that God would come through.  As in a situation that I could do nothing to change or control.  How many times have I jumped blindsided, backwards off the back of a cliff and dared God to catch me?  Perhaps I am on the verge of the first time in my life.  And yet, I am ready, so very ready.  But then I jumped, and I doubted.  Will God come through?  And then suddenly, almost surprisingly, He somehow reminds me He's got this.  He's got me.  Even though I'm in the early kilometres of a marathon and I can't see the end, He's got this. How in the world do you sit back and feel peace that passes understanding when you are in the middle of something so much bigger than yourself?  So impossibly bigger. And then, somehow, just in time, someone reminds me to sit back and let God work.  To do my part, but then to get out of the way, and let God do His. To let Him lead me up the mountain one painstaking step at a time. To let Him bridge the chasm that seems so impossibly wide that I can't even see the other side.   

In the past 8 years I have traveled to a few different far reaching places. I have seen brokenness and joy and God at work in ways I never even imagined.  My heart has been broken in ways that have meant I am never the same. I have realized that I cannot save the world, but I can do my part to make it better. I came home and I see in my generation a sense of entitlement, and in my parent's generation a restless discontent, and the realization that I do not want to subscribe to either of those make me believe perhaps I am ready.  To take this big giant leap.  To do that thing I know God has been asking of me for the past few years.  And so here I am, at the edge of the cliff.  At the edge of the chasm.  Some day's believing God will come through and on others I drown in my own doubts.  And yet there is a kind of haunting loveliness about this place I'm in. Because somehow, I know it's where I'm meant to be.

Hope in Brokenness

Today was one of those heart changing kind of days. The kind that changes you in a kind of epic proportion that you don't fully understand until sometime later.  I am still piecing together and trying to make sense of all that I experienced since this morning's sunrise.

I started out the day following one of the surgeons on his rounds.  Purely for educational purposes. He had around 10 surgical residents along with him and I was amazed at his marvelous, patient, and wise teaching methods. And in less than an hour I saw things that broke my heart. Things that will haunt my dreams and pain that took away my breath.  Morphine is not available here, therefore for patients in chronic and intense pain, relief is not found. It is a haunting experience to see the kind of suffering some people experience.  The doctor I shadowed told us how difficult he still finds it to witness this even after years of practicing in conditions such as these. For someone like me, it made me wonder where I fit into all of this. I remembered a sweet young girl in India singing praises to God "Break my heart with what breaks yours" and as I walked through those hospital halls I didn't know if I could handle the weight of what that meant. It made me wonder if what I do actually contributes to the greater good. Does designing new water and sanitation systems, assessing the operating issues and making recommendations for improvement make even one iota of a difference? I've reasoned that somehow I hope it does. I hope that providing designs and recommendations to help this hospital run more effectively will somehow indirectly help some of those patients I met today. And yet, it seems like only a drop in oceans vast and deep.

And so I end my day with this.  A reminder that I cannot save the world.  Not even a little bit. I can only do as Gandalf says decide what to do with the time that is given to me. To offer myself and my skills as some kind of imperfect offering armed with the knowledge that I cannot save the world, but I serve a God who can.  A God whose heart breaks with the pain that surrounds me and the injustices that are so rife in the wider world.  I end my day knowing this and believing that in among all that pain, there is still hope.  It is in the eyes of the child who so shyly smiled at me from his hospital bed. It is in the gentle hands of the surgeon who shows each and every patient remarkable care.  It is in me, and it is in you if we allow ourselves to find it.

We Treat, God Heals

Here am I.  In the dusty dry lands of Southern Ethiopia. Heart Changed. Eyes Opened. How do I even put this into words.  I am here with a team from Engineering Ministries International to do a project at a hospital in Southern Ethiopia.  I have been humbled and I have seen things I will never forget. Not for a thousand lifetimes. If you want to have your heart broken, I must tell you.  Simply visit a rural African hospital.  This one is one of an amazing variety. It is a teaching hospital and they are known as the best orthopedic surgery hospital in all of Ethiopia.  People even travel from surrounding countries to come here for orthopedic surgery. A small but mighty team of ex-pat doctors are here to teach and mobilize Ethiopian doctors and medical professionals.  I have been amazed at hearing the hearts of these doctors.  At seeing their vision and love for this country and wanting to send out trained and qualified local medical professionals. But they are doing even more than that. They are providing discipleship, both to the doctors they teach and the patients they treat.  They tell their patients that they treat, but God heals.  They work in conditions that are sometimes surprising by Western standards and they have this grand vision of how to make medical care in this country and on this continent better and more accessible.

I have watched Ivy League surgeons humbly and quietly serve in some of the most surprising ways.  As they pitch in and help with our dishes even if they aren't even sharing our meal. They are a rare breed in this world.  They are servants of all.

One thing on this project which I had not anticipated was receiving the opportunity to work with a local Ethiopian consulting engineer.  I was feeling overwhelmed by the workload and today found out that our design team was going to work collaboratively with a local engineering firm so that we could design together and then they can take over when it turns to detailed design and construction management.  I learned so much working with an Ethiopian Civil Engineer.  It was an invaluable asset to have a local today when we did building condition assessments. He could communicate with the staff and the patients and I could not. He knew local design practices and I did not. And he also had many questions for me about technical matters and what I had designed on previous eMi projects and what had been successful and what had not. I felt like we worked as a solid and unstoppable team.  And to top it all off, we assessed every toilet and water tap in the extent of this hospital campus.  That I would say is a pretty wonderful day.

The Instructions on the wall of one of the surgical suites. White Paint and a Sharpie are where it's at.

One of the surgery rooms.  Two surgeries happen at once. One teaching surgeon with two teams of surgeons performing procedures. Power failures, non-sterile equipment, non-functioning equipment and many other challenges are not for the faint of heart.

Out of the Ashes Beauty Will Rise

She was one of the first people I saw as we arrived to the site. It was not my first time in Uganda, not by a long shot, but it was my first time at this particular children's home. My first time to see this particular organization. She lifted her eyes from the ground and shyly said hello. And as I looked deep within her eyes and I could see for a fleeting moment that she had lived life beyond her 14 years. She seemed somehow a girl, yet somehow an old soul, something I have seen more than once when a traumatic past is involved. I didn't know her story and I didn't ask. The first time I met her, I did see she had noticeable scars on her hands, perhaps adding to her initial shyness. However as the week went on and I spent time there testing soil, taking water samples and evaluating the site, as one of the few women who was there doing field work she seemed to be shyly curious of who I was. One day I went and sat with her and her friends. I asked them a few non-threatening questions and soon they were huddled around wanting to talk more. Waiting for our driver to come pick us up presented me with the opportunity to talk to her and her friends.  And I saw in her this love deep and wide for the girls she lived with. How, when given the responsibility as head girl of the house she rose to the occasion, she mothered the young ones and encouraged the older ones. She is a great help to her house mother. She inspired me with her quiet strength.  As the week progressed, I got to hear her musical laughter and see her bright smile.  The time I got to spend with her and her friends has never left my heart or my mind.

I never did ask her what her story was, I wanted to celebrate who she is rather than making her uncomfortable by asking her about the pain of her past.  It was only a few months later I was told. This lovely young lady has a story that broke my heart. She used to walk 3 hours one way to go to school, her father is in prision, her mother has HIV and is not in good health. Those scars on her hands, they were blatant, inflicted by her aunt, who one day in anger burned her hands intentionally. She was 13 and shortly after she came to live at the children's home I met her at. She dealt with great pain for some time. But this young lady, she talks about the love she now receives, the opportunity to go to school nearby, and the opportunity she has to sing, because she loves to sing.

This girl, she has inspired me. She has reminded me that out of the ashes beauty will rise. Quite literally. I saw the beauty in her laugh and her smile. She still feels deeply the pain of her past, but she lives in the joy of now. She is a light that radiates out darkness. She reminds me what it means to have quiet strength and why I want the world to be a better place.

Human Rights and My Sheltered Existence

Most of you know that I volunteer as a classroom assistant in an English Class at the local Immigrant Centre.  The few hours I spend each week with people from other corners of the earth open my eyes to see the world in a different way. These students broaden my horizons and I love to hear stories about where they came from and what their dreams are. One night a few weeks ago was no exception. The teacher announced that we would be spending the evening watching short video clips about human rights issues around the world and then discussing them. I was a bit surprised because the usual topics of discussion tend to revolve around subjects that help the students survive life in Canada. How to talk to the doctor, or shop for groceries, or make an appointment. All things that someone new to Canada needs and wants to be able to do, but is a big big struggle if having a good command of English is not within grasp.

So I was surprised when I saw enthusiastic nods around the room as the teacher announced the exercise. Before the exercise even started, one student told the entire class "this is a very important topic."  And I realized that particular student came from a country where human rights might not be viewed as important.  Some might say he comes from a country that has even been known to violate human rights in the past. And in that moment I realized I have led a very sheltered existence. I haven't known what it means to be treated as less than human. I hope I never will.  But some of these people that I smile at and speak with every Tuesday evening have lived in places where life is cheap and expendable. Being alive does not equate with having worth. I don't know what it means to live in a country run under iron rule. But some of these students, they do. I was reminded of this after the Canadian election when one student who grew up in a country that was at the time of his childhood under Soviet Rule found out that our new prime minister was the son of a previous prime minister. He looked at me and in very loud and accented English exlaimed "Zis is because it is ze Mafia."  The thought had never even crossed my mind, but having grown up in a political climate far different than the one I grew up in, it was the most obvious conclusion for him.

And I realized I live in a place where society encourages and promotes the equal treatment of every individual. A few hours and a few video clips one evening, made me realize I should not take this for granted.

As I speak with these students, I realize they are in-between one culture and another. And that is a hard place to be. They have come a long way from their homeland to the land of opportunity, only to realize that in these lands living life is expensive and finding those opportunities are filled with obstacles and sometimes impossibilities they didn't count on. For some, the success they had hoped for and the independence they had imagined never becomes a realization. But in some of them I see determination and perseverance.  They work hard for sometimes many years on end to find mastery of a new language, they beat statistics and find success.  And being there on the sidelines to watch the small steps of their journey is but pure joy. 

Surreal Moments in the middle of Real Life

The past few days have been filled with moments that leave me thinking "I never thought I would see the day when that happened."  The very trip is one of those.  I never thought I would be walking on the same Ugandan ground as my parents.  I never thought they would adapt so well to a culture so very foreign.  Or that their eyes would be opened slowly but surely in the same ways mine have been.  I see their hearts being moved, a slow shifting in ways that are irreversible.  It is neat to see how their first time experience is so different from my seventh. But how their first experience in so many ways mirrors my own and yet is unique to them in many ways as well.  I have always lived with the weight of the world on my shoulders.  And I can't speak for them, but in many ways I think theirs has been a gradual awakening that has been made so very real by meeting in the flesh the people whose names have been part of my stories.  It just can't be put into words how much different the real life experience is from hearing stories through someone else.

Let's be honest.  There have been moments of entertainment.  The night we arrived for example, when my Mom was shrieking about the gecko in their guest room, and the Ugandan hotel employee quietly came over and told my Mom that they were harmless, and then later told me when we were alone that "those people are so funny."Or the time today at church when one of the house Mama's went up to my Mom and thanked her profusely for giving birth to me.   I never thought I would see my Mom eat a grasshopper and then utter the words "That actually tasted pretty good."  There have been so many moments to remember. 

Well that is all.  We have a busy week ahead of us, and as usual I know it is going to be too short. I can't wait to spend more time with all these people who are so very special to me.

I never thought I'd live to see the day when my Mom was posing in pictures so similar to the ones I'm usually found in.

My parents got to meet their sponsored child Joseph today.  A special experience for them.

The family 2 children sang a few songs for us.  So special.

My buddy and side-kick, Little E.  I miss this guy so much when I'm not here.