Surreal Moments in the middle of Real Life

The past few days have been filled with moments that leave me thinking "I never thought I would see the day when that happened."  The very trip is one of those.  I never thought I would be walking on the same Ugandan ground as my parents.  I never thought they would adapt so well to a culture so very foreign.  Or that their eyes would be opened slowly but surely in the same ways mine have been.  I see their hearts being moved, a slow shifting in ways that are irreversible.  It is neat to see how their first time experience is so different from my seventh. But how their first experience in so many ways mirrors my own and yet is unique to them in many ways as well.  I have always lived with the weight of the world on my shoulders.  And I can't speak for them, but in many ways I think theirs has been a gradual awakening that has been made so very real by meeting in the flesh the people whose names have been part of my stories.  It just can't be put into words how much different the real life experience is from hearing stories through someone else.

Let's be honest.  There have been moments of entertainment.  The night we arrived for example, when my Mom was shrieking about the gecko in their guest room, and the Ugandan hotel employee quietly came over and told my Mom that they were harmless, and then later told me when we were alone that "those people are so funny."Or the time today at church when one of the house Mama's went up to my Mom and thanked her profusely for giving birth to me.   I never thought I would see my Mom eat a grasshopper and then utter the words "That actually tasted pretty good."  There have been so many moments to remember. 

Well that is all.  We have a busy week ahead of us, and as usual I know it is going to be too short. I can't wait to spend more time with all these people who are so very special to me.

I never thought I'd live to see the day when my Mom was posing in pictures so similar to the ones I'm usually found in.

My parents got to meet their sponsored child Joseph today.  A special experience for them.

The family 2 children sang a few songs for us.  So special.

My buddy and side-kick, Little E.  I miss this guy so much when I'm not here.

The Power of Opinion

My Mom likes to tell me I'm the most opinionated person she's ever met.  You can thank the University of Saskatchewan for that. The first time I entered those campus gates as a fresh faced 18 year old I had a lot to learn in terms of life experience. I still do actually, but back then I pretty much just believed whatever anyone told me. I entered those gates thinking I would come out a veterinarian and instead came out an engineer.  I'm still not entirely sure how that happened, but I'm glad it did. And in those 5 years of higher education I learned what it meant to form my own opinion. To question and ponder, gather evidence and facts and decide what I thought about something. I learned how to have healthy dialogue with someone who held an entirely different opinion than I did. It was within those walls that I became the deep thinker I am today.

I think the journey was one of many small steps, but one that sticks out in my mind was a particular assignment I had in a philosophy class I took on ethics and technology. We had to write. Apparently someone didn't inform my professor that engineering students only know how to do math and physics. In any case we were asked to write a paper and defend whether or not we thought it was ethical to mass produce headless humans for the purpose of organ harvesting. . . I remember reading that assignment and thinking what the heck, I don't even know what to think about this.  And as if he read my mind my Professor stood up there at the front and told us that even if we didn't know what to think, we had to pick a side and defend it. Because the whole thing sounded a little over the top to me I decided to defend the stance that it was not ethical to mass produce headless humans. I did mediocre on that paper, probably because I was an engineering student and I couldn't write nearly as well as the English majors in my class, but I also got a comment that I was trying to defend a stance that was nearly impossible to defend since "there is no empirical evidence of the existence of a soul, and in order to prove this practice was unethical, a soul must exist." Now that one little comment could open a can of worms that could get us debating in a whole other direction, but that is not my intent here. My intent is that for one of the first times in my life, I was forced to form an opinion on something I didn't even really want to have an opinion on. We had discussions on many topics in that class from things that were as over the top as headless humans, to the creation of an Ebola vaccine, something that none of us knew would be grabbing headlines worldwide a few years down the road. I remember the haunting moment in that lecture hall when we were discussing the effects of war, and one girl raised her hand and said "I would like to give my thoughts on this because I survived the Rwandan Genocide." In each and every discussion I was pleasantly surprised to see classmates with opinions on complete opposite ends of the spectrum respecting each other and having lively but still kindhearted discussions on something they disagreed on.  Having my eyes opened to such possibilities prepared me well for traveling to different parts of the world and realizing that different is not wrong.

I am thankful I was pushed and prodded into forming my own thoughts and ideas on things. By asking me to form my own opinion, the vast majority of my professors communicated to me that what I thought mattered and was valued. I have seen children in various parts of the world who have been told they don't matter, and the result is children who develop into adults who don't believe they have anything to offer and so never speak their mind or voice their ideas, even if those ideas are really really great. I hope that I can encourage the children I work with both here and abroad that they matter enough to have their own voice. To lead by example that asserting one's opinion with arrogance and attitude alienates, but contributing ideas and opinions with grace and respect collectively launches new discoveries and inventions, opens minds wide to ideas that are new and exciting, and makes our world a better place.

Jaimee's Top 12 Book List

Anyone who knows me well, knows I love to read. I always enjoy browsing through must read book lists on blogs and websites, so I decided it was high time I created my own.  I had a hard time narrowing this down to 12 books, I probably could have picked 100, but in the end these are the 12 that I think most changed and challenged me, inspired me into action, broke my heart and made it sing.

 12. Secret Daughter: By Shilpi Somaya Gowda- Having been to India several times, I felt as though I was part of this story. A riveting story of sacrifice and an honest look into Indian culture, international adoption and family identity. I felt Kavita's pain as she surrendered Asha into the hands of others, in order that she may have life. I read this one in record time.

 11. Little Princes: By Conor Grennan- When I read this book I had no idea that I would one day go to Nepal and meet children very much like those in this book. Even so, I had been to several children's homes in various parts of the world and saw myself in many of Conor's experiences from the deep love he has for the children at the orphanage, to the numerous cultural faux pas he makes, and to the deep satisfaction he finds in his work there and also in the frustration at trying to work within and do good work in a government system that is rife with corruption. Part way through his stay at an orphanage in Nepal, Conor finds out that many of these children are not orphans at all, but have been taken out of their mountain villages by trafficker's who have promised them a better life, later abandoning them in Kathmandu where they were taken in by various children's homes. This amazing book follows the journey of bringing the lost children of Nepal home.

10. The Book of Negroes: By Lawrence Hill- To be honest I never had any intentions of reading this book. It was given to me as a gift by my Grandmother who is also an avid reader. After only a few pages I was in, I was so in. A fictional but historically accurate look at the slave trade that makes history personal and close to home. Highly recommended.

9. Six Months in Sudan: By James Maskalyk- Another book in which I saw myself in many of the words and pages. A young doctor spends six months in Sudan with Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctor's Without Border's). An honest look into the uncertain business of doing good, the difficulty of re-entry back into one's home country after being in a place that is hard to explain to friends and family. Dr. Maskalyk so eloquently put into words what I so often struggle to. A must read if you work in the development sector, want to, or love someone who does.

 8. The Uncertain Business of Doing Good: Outsiders in Africa. By Larry Krotz- This was one of the first books that opened my eyes to the fact that perhaps Africa and African's do not need me to go over and rescue them. An honest look at several projects happening in various parts of Africa, all motivated by a desire to "do good" in Africa. This book along with several others such as "When Helping Hurts" "Toxic Charity" "Serving with Eyes Wide Open" and many others have radically changed how I "do good." An honest evaluation of the service work I perform, the charities I donate money to, and how the people at the receiving end are affected and whether or not the projects we support are encouraging empowerment or dependence. Another must read if you work in the development sector.

 7. Redeeming Love: By Francine Rivers- This work of historical fiction forever changed the way I read the book of Hosea. I used to skim through Hosea with disinterest. That is no longer so. This book opened my eyes to a wondrous love story in an entirely new way. It created a vivid picture of just how deep and wide we are loved by God, and created in me a hope that I might one day meet my own Michael Hosea. This is one of the few books that I have read through several times.

6. God in a Brothel: An Undercover Journey into Sex Trafficking and Rescue: By Daniel Walker- I read this book in preparation for the project I was scheduled to go on in Cambodia (which ended up getting cancelled). To say this book broke my heart would be an understatement. How does one put into words the pain and wretchedness that happens inside the walls of a child brothel? Somehow, Daniel Walker, an undercover detective who works to free these children, finds a way. The high personal cost Daniel pays to do this work garners a high level of respect from me. This book disturbed me and created in me a heart for trafficked individuals.

5. Shake Hands with the Devil- The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda: By LGen. Romeo Dallaire- I read this book when I was in University at a time in my life when I had little spare time to do reading of my own choosing. A few minutes on the bus here, a few minutes in the library there, and I was through this book. At the time, I didn't know I would one day walk the streets of Rwanda, or be involved in helping design a counseling centre there, but this book started awakening the heart for Africa that I believe has always existed in me. I came away from this book deeply heartbroken, wondering how humanity could be capable of such an atrocity. The people I met in Rwanda a few years later, many of whom had lived through the genocide inspired me in an entirely new way. I have nothing but the deepest respect for Lt-Gen Dallaire.

 4. Mere Christianity: By C.S. Lewis- C.S. Lewis is perhaps one of the most quoted writers of all time. After reading this book I understood why. As someone who ponders spiritual matters deeply, I was intrigued by C.S. Lewis' conversion from atheism to Christianity. This book wasn't as heavy as I was expecting, but was deep and challenging and has stayed with me in the years since I've read it.

3. Overrated: By Eugene Cho- As someone who claims to love justice, this book went straight for the heart. I was challenged, changed, and inspired to action. I was reminded that loving the idea of changing the world and getting down to the hard, messy, and inconvenient business of loving justice are two very different things. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to climb down off their high horse and evaluate the hard truth of what it means to live justly.

2. One Thousand Gifts: By Ann Voskamp- To say this book changed my life would be an understatement. It changed my entire outlook. I was inspired to live with deep gratitude and to find things to give thanks for in the everyday and ordinary that I didn't even know was possible. My eyes were opened to green grass, leaves swaying in the wind, frosty breath on a winter morning, crisp pages in a book, and so many other small everyday gifts I have to give thanks for. As a lover of words I was drawn in by Ann's poetic writing style. I have gifted this book to many a friend in hopes that they will be changed as much as I was.

1. The Bible- This one here is at the top of my list not because it's my favourite book to read, but because it is the book that has by far most changed and shaped me as a person. This is perhaps one of the hardest to understand books that I own, and after reading a few short chapters I don't feel changed or even necessarily inspired, but over the years of reading these pages, I have been changed in ways I don't even fully understand. Slowly, reading a bit everyday, change has come, in increments so small I scarcely even notice, but over the long term, the changes have been such, that I am no longer the person I once was. And to think the journey has only just begun.

Running the race. . .

I saw the message on my screen and my heart leaped. An international running race in the place I love. Right in the heart of Uganda. I sent the link off to my friends and asked them if any of the former street boys they work with might be interested. Running fever swept them up hard and fast and I shared in their excitement and anticipation of running in their very first race. I wanted to join them, but I knew I couldn’t. It was impossible, it was too expensive, it was too busy at work, I was going to be overseas just a few weeks before and that was just going to be too much traveling. Still they asked, would I come? I said no. God said yes. My faith it turns out, was far too small. I forgot that I serve a God who likes to remind me that dreams are not impossible things.  One by one all those impossible reasons fell away; my boss said yes, funding for a flight came unexpectedly, and I knew deep in my bones that this was meant to be, even if flying clear across the world for a few short days seemed like a crazy thing to do.

The day of the race, adrenaline was pumping. I remembered back to my first long distance race. I didn’t know what to expect or how to channel all this unfamiliar adrenaline or how to recognize and manage the differences between a training run and a race. And I saw all those same things in these boys who have become so special to me. I wanted to tell them, and to some of them I tried, but sometimes there are things in life that must be experienced to be truly understood. They ran hard and they ran well. I ran too, but not as fast as them, and that’s ok. We all had fun, but I think for most of them it was a learning experience. They learned what endurance means. What it means to keep on running even when everything inside you tries to make you believe quitting is the only option. They learned to overcome. But they also learned how hard long distance running can be, how important training is, to build up not only the physical endurance required to run a long distance race, but also the mental stamina. Training didn’t seem so important until they were halfway through the race and presented with finding endurance within themselves.

They, and I, we both lived a dream. Felt the sweet success of crossing a finish line. But they also found out that sometimes dreams look different than we thought they might. They are harder, and longer, and more full of steep and unrelenting hills that none of us feel like climbing. And sometimes when we arrive at the finish line, we are full of disappointment. We did it, but we wanted to do better. We didn’t win the race, it was harder than we thought and perhaps we wonder if all that effort was really even worth it. But I want them to know, it was. They made me proud. They were victorious even if they didn’t feel like they were. Sometimes victory lies not in winning the race but in overcoming the struggle. They did their best, and their running and their lives have taught me to turn my eyes to the heavens and trade all of my dreams for His. Even if they look different and go down roads that are longer and harder than I want to travel. They remind me to keep. on. running.  We can’t all win the race, but we can run with endurance, we can lead by becoming less. The people of Uganda, they teach me to love. To be aware of those who run around me. To invest in their pain. To be a person of the Word.

“Because People of the Word are to be for the voiceless, to stand with the silenced, to never make pain out to be invisible, as injustice is intolerable. Because People of the Church are to be those who stand up so safe places open up, who lead by always going lower, who expose and confront abuse everywhere they find it, so the hope of the Gospel can be of use anywhere it goes."- Ann Voskamp  

The Welcome Sign I found in my room.  It made me so happy!

We had a presentation ceremony to hand out the boy's t-shirts.

Thanks and Gratitude to Nimblewear for generously donating custom running t-shirts for all the boys to run in.

Getting ready at the start line

Me Running!

Now that's what you call a cheering section! 

After the race

Love these guys!

I found some kids!

Dancing after the race

The aftermath. . . a few sore boys.

Reflections on Nepal

I feel it is time for me to share a few words on Nepal.  It's as though these words are going to work their way out of my soul whether I want them to or not.  They are here in the crevices of my broken heart, rising to the surface and out onto this page.

Most of you know I was in Nepal two weeks ago. That my Dad and I trekked to Everest Base Camp and back. That we walked on paths and streets that are now filled with rubble.  Slept in villages that may no longer exist.  And it is all somewhat surreal.  To be getting multitudes of messages from people giving thanks for my life. Telling me they are oh so happy I'm alive. Just this morning I got an e-mail in my office inbox, wanting to know if I was safe and accounted for. It is sobering to know just how many people care. To know there are that many people who care about your very existence.

There are only a few people in my inner circle who know what it means to see a tragedy on the television and connect it to a name and a face of someone you know. For me this is not the first. I sat back in 2010 and watched as the earth shook in Haiti and I had to sit at home and wonder if all those children I loved were still alive. And then to feel the sweet relief of hearing they were, but my heart tightened when I heard they were sleeping outside for days after, scared and trembling as aftershocks continued to shake the earth. And then I remembered a little girl I had met in church. She came up and took my hand all dressed up in a pretty flowered dress with white bows in her hair and said something to her Mother in Creole. Her Mother then turned to me and said, "My daughter, she wants you to know that she loves you." And there on January 12, 2010 I sat back and saw Carrefour, her neighbourhood, on TV reduced to a pile of rubble and my heart ached because I wanted to know she was safe but I didn't, and I still don't.

And so, this here, seeing Nepal up-heaved and collapsed, it doesn't get easier, the pain of watching all that devastation, perhaps, it just gets a bit more familiar, but not easier. I feel sweet relief as I read that all staff and guides from our trekking company and alive and accounted for. And I see on Facebook that some of the climbers we met who were living at Everest Base Camp are safe and helping in the relief efforts and I am relieved once more.

My Dad and I we visited this amazing organization called SASANE that provides women rescued out of trafficking with legal education to stop the cycle.  I get an e-mail in my inbox this morning that those precious ladies we met are all alive.  Homeless and struggling is what they said. But Praise God for life.

I know that things will change for the people of Nepal. That perhaps 12 noon on April 25 will be the moment that changed everything.  When I went back to Haiti after the earthquake, everyone I met chopped time in two. Everything was referred to as either before January 12 or after January 12. One Pastor told me that his people would never be the same, would never be able to live without fear again. I hope that for both the people of Haiti and the people of Nepal that this will not be so. That the sun will rise and set on their joy and not their fear.   

My prayer for them is for strength to face these struggles. That beauty will rise from these ashes. My heart breaks, but as Ann says " It’s the broken hearts that find the haunting loveliness of a new beat — it’s the broken hearts that make a song that echoes God’s."  I hope that one day those beautiful and resilient people can sing again. That their hearts won't sing with fear, but with joy for the gift of life. But for right now, in the middle of the struggle and the hunger and the chaos, I simply hope and pray that they will find peace and the provisions they need.  

Being right in the middle of village culture gave a face to all the destruction I see on TV.

I hope this little guy has the opportunity to watch many more trekkers pass through his village

The village of Namche Bazaar

Although these two climbers we met from International Mountain Guides won't get to summit Everest this year, I was so relieved to hear they have been accounted for.

Explosives and Playing in Dirt

Perhaps you've come to expect this kind of news from me, but I'm having so very much fun!  Yesterday we had an early morning and went to morning devotions with the children at the school and it was so inspiring to watch these kids that come from such hard situations sing and dance with so much joy.  What a special thing to be part of.

Myself and Braden walked around the site and measured buildings and other infrastructure yesterday which was fun.  I also had the opportunity to calculate volumes for the water storage tank and rainwater collection tanks.

Last night, it was Braden's birthday so our hosts here got him a cake.  And then. . . they brought out the fire crackers. It is tradition to blow off fire crackers on someone's birthday here.  They are these kind that you hold and light and then throw and they explode.  I am telling you . . . if you want to see a room full of guys giggle like a bunch of school girls, just bring out the explosives.  Our Guatemalan host was so excited to bring them out, he could hardly contain the surprise during dinner, and then told us there was to be absolutely no dishes done until the firecrackers were finished.  He was just so pleased.

This property is guarded by guys with machine guns.  Not to worry, they keep us safe.  But we asked our host if we should alert the guys with machine guns that we would be setting off fire crackers so they didn't think it was gun shots, and he smiled, patted us on the back and said "My friend, it is no problem."

Today we met with the ministry to get some more details and suggestions on what the design should look like.  Angie (the other civil) and I also dug holes for perc tests and took a look at some preliminary soil conditions which was fun, and I'm pretty sure the local's think we're off our rockers for digging holes and pouring water into them.

Anyway, that is all for now.  Tomorrow we will be continuing design, and also visiting one of Impact's School's and clinic's.

Until next time,

Jaimee

The surveyors hard at work

They have an amazing agricultural program on this site

Patrick walks the land before he starts his surveyor

The beautiful view

I love the children here!

They are so genuine and full of joy.

They wanted to hug us all!

Braden's Birthday cake

Hugo tells us no dishes before fire crackers!

He can hardly wait!

Demonstrating what to do

The guys inspect their fire crackers

Braden throws a fire cracker

It's about more than a white picket fence

Side Note:  I'm not sure if the volcanic eruption that occurred here has been in the news, but it is a ways off from where I am.  I am fine, and the air was clear here, so we didn't notice the eruption.  The airport has now re-opened, so there will be no worries about me getting home.

Well I'm back.  And here I am once again right in the middle of all things happy.  Greg, our team leader was talking last night about how eMi projects are his happy place.  They are definitely mine as well.  I was sitting around the table last night with my teammates and realizing, that all these deepest parts of me, the parts that are such a great struggle to put into words and explain to people back home, are deeply understood by everyone here, because their hearts break for the same things as mine.  As my project leader Greg said last night, life is about more than getting a house with a picket fence.  It is so wonderful to be around a group of people who live that out.

Wait until you hear about this.  I have officially been here 1.5 days and have already had ice cream!  Isn't that the happiest thing you have heard all day.  I love Guatemala.  Although there are definitely things that seem foreign to me, I have been noticing just how much more North American influence there is here compared to some of the more far off places I've traveled.  I am trying to pick up a bit of Spanish, but am realizing that I wish I could communicate with the locals more.

We went to church this morning, which was rockin' and great, I know fully understand why the Latin people back home think our church services resemble something like a funeral.  Because we got to do some wild dancing this morning.

The biggest cultural adjustment has been not being able to throw toilet paper in the toilet.  People, you would not realize how ingrained this concept is in a North American's brain, until one has to fish it out of the toilet bowl.  And they even have signs plastered all over the bathroom, which you think would help, but who in their right mind reads the signs on the bathroom wall?  I have resorted to doing a chant whilst doing my buisness.  The chant consists of "Not in the toilet, not in the toilet" 

This team has been different for me from all my others, in the huge Canadian influence on it.  It is more than half Canadians, and the structural engineer is originally from Southern Manitoba, and one of the surveyors grew up in Rivers until he was 6 years old.  And I was sitting with the electrical engineer last night, who is from Denver, CO, and he asked me if I had ever heard of Portage la Prairie, MB.  I was like, are you kidding, of course I've heard of it, how the heck have you heard of it.  And he said he's been there because he helped design the potato processing facility there.  And I found out the director of this organization, that lives in Guatemala with his family now, lived in Brandon for 10 years as a school principal.  Crazy hey?  And a group of high school students from Winnipeg are showing up here on Tuesday, so there are going to be crazy Manitobans here all over the place!

It's been much colder here than I've expected.  I only brought one fleece and a jacket, which I keep warm in, so I guess I'll be wearing the same thing all week and just changing the t-shirt underneath. My teammates are all in the same situation, so I don't think any of us will mind each other wearing the same thing all the time:) Today it was nice and warm in the sun which was nice.

I have been learning to embrace all the unexpected blessings that come from being here.  Most of you know, I was supposed to be in Cambodia, and clearly I'm not.  Some of my teammates here were supposed to be on the Cambodia team as well, and we were all disappointed not to go.  Listening to some of the work my teammates have previously been involved with in Cambodia, the heaviness of working with organizations that help trafficked children, and the heart that they have, renews my enthusiasm to hopefully get there someday to do a project, but I am also trying to focus on being fully present with the people in front of me here, rather than dwelling on what might have been.  The things we did today, hearing the vision of this ministry, and seeing the changed lives that have been a direct result of their work here has reminded me the many reasons I have to stand in awe and thanks that I actually have the opportunity to be here.  I am so thankful, and am being consistently reminded of just how much joy can come out of roads unexpected.

That's all for now.  Until next time,

Jaimee

Guatemala is not Cambodia

Some of you know that I was supposed to leave for Cambodia in a few short weeks. I was signed up to be part of an amazing project for one of the most heart rendering ministries I have ever heard of. A ministry that assists children rescued out of human trafficking situations. I was ready. I had been reading up on Cambodian culture and I had read books on children in the sex trade that broke my heart in half. I wanted to give human trafficking a face and a name, to experience some of the heaviness, to feel the pain, and to hear stories of fragile hope for young people who were finding their way out, and soon I would be able to.

But all that was not to be.  Flights had been booked, and a team fully recruited, but at the midnight hour, right before Christmas, some property issues meant the project was cancelled.  I was so disappointed, as were the rest of my would be teammates.  But as disappointed as we were, the ministry, must be experiencing disappointment of a whole other level. They aren't going to be able to have their transition home designed and built on the same schedule they thought they would.  In fact, at this point, it is postponed indefinitely, as they have to start the search for land to build right from scratch.

A couple weeks later, an opportunity for a new project came up.  This time in Guatemala.  A much different culture than Cambodia, and to be honest, I wasn't really that excited about the thought of going there.  Perhaps this sounds vain, but it didn't sound exotic or adventurous enough.  I mean, everyone and their dog goes to Guatemala.  At least that's how it seemed.  But at the end of the day, after a lot of deliberation and talking to God, I decided this was the project, this was the team I was supposed to be part of. And I trusted that God would somehow use me in this place I would have never gone to otherwise.  And as momentum builds, I am getting excited about going and the ministry we'll be working with there, and meeting new kids to love in a whole new country.  Sometimes beautiful things come from the most unexpected places.  Is it possible that God will use me in some small way in this project that somehow seems like Plan B?  But maybe it's not Plan B at all.  Maybe the whole time I was making plans to go to Cambodia, God knew he wanted me in Guatemala, for reasons perhaps, I might never even find out. And so, a few weeks from now, let's get this party started, Guatemalan style, every single beautiful, unexpected part of it. 

http://www.emicanada.org/projects/projectprofile_10050.shtml